“Phillygoat Retro Vibes” Premium Joggers

Say hello to your new favorite sweatpants — soft on the outside, and even softer on the inside, these joggers are made from a cotton touch polyester jersey fabric that won’t fade after washing. Use them for athletic endeavors like a jog along the Schuylkill, a Yuengling keg stand, or simply lounging on the couch as you watch Rocky IV for the 87th time. So comfortable that I’ve told my family to bury me in a pair of these jawns once my toxic relationship with Philly sports eventually kills me.

1. Designed by real Philadelphians after a few rounds of Yuengling to inspire creativity
2. 70% polyester, 27% cotton, 3% elastane in a premium knit mid-weight fabric that’s so soft and lightweight we challenge you not to hold it against your cheek whilst saying, “ooooohhhh… aaahhhhhhh…”
3. Unisex, slim fit that feels just like a hug from Mike Schmidt’s mustache
4. Soft cotton-feel fabric face with a brushed fleece fabric inside
5. Cuffed legs, practical pockets, and an elastic waistband with a white drawstring to prevent getting pantsed
6. Printed with certified, eco-friendly ink (unlike our competitors whose inks are loaded with pesticides, asbestos, and plutonium).
7. Definitely not made in a sweatshop, but we are looking into ways we can force the children of Cowboys fans into cheap labor

We print all of our designs using only the highest quality inks and finest threads in the game so that your shirt is both eye-popping and long-lasting. Follow these instructions carefully to keep that jawn looking like new for as long as possible:

1. Machine wash cold, inside-out on a gentle cycle with like colors
2. Use a mild detergent
3. Use non-chlorine bleach only when necessary
4. Do not use any fabric softeners
5. Do not dry-clean
6. Hang-dry works best to avoid shrinkage, but can be tumble-dried on a low cycle as needed
7. If ironing, use cool iron inside-out. Do not iron the print.
8. Do not attempt to eat, snort, or use as a suppository